Tuesday, May 1, 2007
This is Absurd
It is now officially Wednesday (it's after 12:00am). I leave school on Thursday. Let me tell you a little bit about my situation as it stands. I'm listening to a cross between Gewn Stefani's "Holler Back Girl" and Michael Jackson's "Thriller" with Sara and my roomate Matt. Our door knob is covered in shaving cream. And Will, one of our hallmates, keeps walking into the room holding a blow up doll which he is making dance to the music. Sara, Matt and I have been playing Meal or No Meal, and now we're taking turns drawing on my whiteboard. Matt just put the world's dumbest hat on. Okay, the world's second dumbest hat. The dumbest is his orange one. It doesn't match his clothes even a little bit. I think he's getting dressed to make popcorn. Earlier today, while I was sitting on the quad with Sars, a dog pissed on my fucking bookbag. All that Sara and I want is to be playing "Body! Body!" Sara would like for me to note that in Meal or no Meal she won $1,000,000: the Erect Strawberry Cake. In closing, fuck exams.
Wednesday, April 4, 2007
Biological Diences
I apologize for the title. It's not even a little bit clever.
Biology is the worst thing that has ever happened to me.
maybe I'll die in my sleep.
Biology is the worst thing that has ever happened to me.
maybe I'll die in my sleep.
Sunday, April 1, 2007
Little Miss Murder by Number One
I've reached rock bottom: blogging.
Before I get started on this, I should pay the proper respects to Marlon. After seeing his blog I decided to make my own. So, if in a few years it is discovered that blogs cause cancer, then I blame you, Marlon. I blame you for giving everyone cancer.
Okay. Before I was going to write a few jokes down in here. I figured that I'd make my first entry in this thing light-hearted, maybe funny. I was going to write about Sandra Bullock, and how every fucking movie that she's ever starred in has involved romance and the space-time continuum. Prophecy, The Lakehouse, and to some degree even Murder by Numbers expressed a special focus on the importance of space and time to the plot. I mean, hell, in Prophecy the bitch travelled through time. God damn, in The Lakehouse Sandra's mailbox was a miniature time machine! But, no. Now that's not going to be the focus of this first blog.
What this blog is about is how much I fucking HATE guitars.
The guitar's true origins are a mystery, but it is suspected that guitars first came to Earth on the comet which annhiliated the dinosaurs. Little else is known about pre-historic guitars, but it is suspected that the spear of destiny, used to stab Jesus on the cross, was forged from an ancester of the guitar. In the early 1940s the German army used a close relative of the guitar, the gas chamber, to kill countless Jews.
More recently, the guitar in my dorm room has made me so frustrated that I've contemplated murder.
If I were Sandra Bullock I would go back in time and destroy guitars. I would also use my ability to alter the structure of the space time continuum to win the lottery!!! If you were in possession of a magic, time machine mailbox, or if you could fucking travel through time, wouldn't you play the god damned lottery? I'm not sure how many of you have seen Prophecy (well, I'm sure that almost none of you have) but at the heart of the plot, Sandra has to stop her husband from driving to work one day so that he won't die in a car accident. If she had just played the God damned lottery she could have said, "Hey, honey. We are fucking rich. Don't bother going to work." And of course the bitch would have agreed! Who would go to his or her stupid office job if he or she had won the lottery?
Sandra and guitars suck.
Before I get started on this, I should pay the proper respects to Marlon. After seeing his blog I decided to make my own. So, if in a few years it is discovered that blogs cause cancer, then I blame you, Marlon. I blame you for giving everyone cancer.
Okay. Before I was going to write a few jokes down in here. I figured that I'd make my first entry in this thing light-hearted, maybe funny. I was going to write about Sandra Bullock, and how every fucking movie that she's ever starred in has involved romance and the space-time continuum. Prophecy, The Lakehouse, and to some degree even Murder by Numbers expressed a special focus on the importance of space and time to the plot. I mean, hell, in Prophecy the bitch travelled through time. God damn, in The Lakehouse Sandra's mailbox was a miniature time machine! But, no. Now that's not going to be the focus of this first blog.
What this blog is about is how much I fucking HATE guitars.
The guitar's true origins are a mystery, but it is suspected that guitars first came to Earth on the comet which annhiliated the dinosaurs. Little else is known about pre-historic guitars, but it is suspected that the spear of destiny, used to stab Jesus on the cross, was forged from an ancester of the guitar. In the early 1940s the German army used a close relative of the guitar, the gas chamber, to kill countless Jews.
More recently, the guitar in my dorm room has made me so frustrated that I've contemplated murder.
If I were Sandra Bullock I would go back in time and destroy guitars. I would also use my ability to alter the structure of the space time continuum to win the lottery!!! If you were in possession of a magic, time machine mailbox, or if you could fucking travel through time, wouldn't you play the god damned lottery? I'm not sure how many of you have seen Prophecy (well, I'm sure that almost none of you have) but at the heart of the plot, Sandra has to stop her husband from driving to work one day so that he won't die in a car accident. If she had just played the God damned lottery she could have said, "Hey, honey. We are fucking rich. Don't bother going to work." And of course the bitch would have agreed! Who would go to his or her stupid office job if he or she had won the lottery?
Sandra and guitars suck.
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